Breaking News: President Obama Taking Interest in New Basketball Conference

WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama, known as an avid NCAA basketball fan, has reportedly taken interest in the formation of a new conference from the remains of the floundering Big East.

"Let me be clear," Mr. Obama said in a press conference, "the formation of an all-Catholic sports conference is of great concern to both myself, and the Department of Justice."

Experts say the administration is attempting to make a strong statement in the wake of Notre Dame's violation of the so-called "BCS Mandate" (an executive order proclaiming that Notre Dame would never be allowed to compete for a national championship while St. Mary's continues to practice gender discrimination in admissions).

However, Mr. Obama offered a compromise solution. He would not move to dissolve the conference if its members agree to appoint Rick Pitino as commissioner and pay for his "restaurant bills".

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You

 Or "The Bloggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves"

When I closed down my old blog, I thought I was done for good. I fully intended to post all of my inane thoughts on Twitter and Facebook, leaving blogging behind.

I guess I figured that every iteration of theology puns and booger jokes had been done and no one would care to read any more. Which is probably true, actually. But when I stopped blogging, I didn't stop thinking of stuff I wanted to write about. It's just that I was forced to squeeze full thoughts into 140 characters.*

So here you have it. This is my new blog. I took the name from a line in The Abolition of Man. I don't mean to mislead you, it's not much like Planet of the Apes at all. But it's worth reading.

Also, "trouser" is a funny word, right?

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* Check out how many times I used the word "I" in the those first two paragraphs and think about what that tells you about the psychology of blogging. When you figure it out, let me know because I'm sort of curious.